So my friends... I am an emotional mess!! I'm not sure if it is sleep deprivation or hormones. Sunday Greg took Noah to church and I stayed home. After church he stopped by his mom's house to leave Noah and bring me home a plate of lunch. He sat the plate down in front of me and walked away, well I took one bite and started SOBBING. We're not talking about a few tears here, I mean all out gasping for air sobbing. The crazy thing is I'm not really even sure why. I think I was able to mutter something to my bewildered husband about missing Noah and wanting to experience those last minute only child things instead of hanging around the house waiting on Cade to make his grand entrance. Greg was precious! Once he cleaned up my flood of tears he suggested we take Noah to ride the carousel at the mall and buy baby Cade a gift. YES! This was a wonderful idea! We really did have the best day with our lovely two year old, but while at the mall that night I felt this unspeakable urge to buy Noah everything and anything there!! I became very upset that Greg didn't want to let Noah build-a-bear. I also couldn't see the harm in spending $100.00 on certain items at the Disney store. Greg remained sensible and I became satisfied with our three rides on the carousel and our ice-cream Sunday that we all three shared.
Since then this urge to spoil Noah has continued. Yesterday he found his dusty old pacifier on the floor underneath a table. He immediately said "look mommy my paci!" and then stuck it in his mouth. I stood there FROZEN. Every sane bone in my body said, Beth remove the paci and tell him what a big boy he is. Remind him that he gave all his pacis away because he didn't need them anymore. But there I stood like a statue, staring at my precious BABY with his paci! I wanted to go back! It was a way to revert and keep him from growing up. Maybe just for a little while. It would be our secret, he wouldn't tell anyone I let him have paci, right?
Thank goodness for dust because quickly Noah spit out the paci and said, "it's yucky mommy." Then he turned and went about his business. Whoa, that was a close one!
Since then this urge to spoil Noah has continued. Yesterday he found his dusty old pacifier on the floor underneath a table. He immediately said "look mommy my paci!" and then stuck it in his mouth. I stood there FROZEN. Every sane bone in my body said, Beth remove the paci and tell him what a big boy he is. Remind him that he gave all his pacis away because he didn't need them anymore. But there I stood like a statue, staring at my precious BABY with his paci! I wanted to go back! It was a way to revert and keep him from growing up. Maybe just for a little while. It would be our secret, he wouldn't tell anyone I let him have paci, right?
Thank goodness for dust because quickly Noah spit out the paci and said, "it's yucky mommy." Then he turned and went about his business. Whoa, that was a close one!
1 comment:
Beth! You described it perfectly - those last days of clinging to the life that you've known for over two years, and how it has been wonderful to have Noah as your only child and oh, how it might be so different when Cade comes. You made me remember just how I felt when I was in the hospital missing those last special days with Lake. But you and I both know that Cade will be just as special and you won't be able to imagine not having both Noah and Cade. Yes, it is just hormones but it is so REAL how urgent you feel about savoring everything right now!
And then you made me laugh so hard about the paci incident! I love you so much, my sister, and I am so sad that we won't be there with you to welcome Cade, like we were with Noah. I mean, who is Cade going to sprinkle on without me there? Love, Kimi
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